1. Thou shalt not put empty wrappers back in the Roses tin.
Throw them in the bin, you filthy animals.
2. Thou shalt not horse into the “good” biscuits without your Mam’s permission.
They are for visitors. Have a fig roll instead.
3. Thou shalt not brag on social media about having your Christmas shopping done on December 9th or whatever.
At least pretend that you’ve “still got loads” to do like everyone else.
4. Thou shalt not remind co-workers of that absolutely hilarious thing they did at the Christmas party
Let bygones be bygones.
5. Thou shalt participate in Fairytale of New York singalongs after December 21st
Once Christmas weeks arrive, it’s rude not to belt, “THE BOYS OF THE NYPD CHOIR STILL SINGING GALWAY BAY” with everyone else.
6. Thou shalt not hassle other pub customers while on your 12 Pubs of Christmas night out
Have your fun, but please don’t spend the night hounding eeveryone else about whether that seat is free. (It wasn’t an hour ago, so why would it be free now?)
7. Thou shalt be polite when you decline mince pie and Christmas pudding
Don’t launch into spiels about how much you “can’t stand” them.
A simple “No, thank you” will suffice.
8. Thou shalt not spend more than the agreed sum on your Secret Santa gift and make everyone else look bad
STAY WITHIN THE €10 LIMIT!
9. Thou shalt pretend you love your Secret Santa gift even it’s a crock of shite
“A funny mug — just what I wanted!”
10. Thou shalt take a bit of turkey home with you when you’re leaving your Mam’s house
Ah go on, you’ll have some in a sandwich when you get in this evening.
11. Thou shalt not act like you’re too cool to wear a Christmas cracker hat
Nobody is too cool to wear a Christmas cracker hat.
Especially not you.
12. Thou shalt always buy your child a Selection Box — regardless of how old they are
It’s not Christmas without one.
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13. Thou shalt stick a “Santa Stop Here” sign in the window
OTHERWISE HOW WILL SANTA KNOW TO STOP BY!
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